The Phrases given by A Father That Saved Me during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You're not in a good place. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."