Navigating the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership
As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost.
Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and see the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.
